Who are you? When many of us are asked this question, we respond with our name or with our labels. “I am Kiara, I am a mom, I am a counselor, I am a daughter, and I am a friend.” But if you were to really answer this question, who are you without the labels or the titles? How does one begin to define the essence of themselves and not just who they are to others. I often encourage my clients to do a self-inventory, analyzing who they are in order to move forward in who they want to be.
A self-inventory begins with a list of what defines you. who you are can be defined by character and personality. For example, I am dependable, witty, honest, and introverted. Creating a list of your character and personality traits can be done over time; adding to the list as you go or as a thought occurs. Let’s not forget the not so favorable traits as well, “I am impatient and inconsistent.” The key to this step of self-inventory is to consider all that defines you which increases your self-awareness.
The next phase of a self-inventory is to ask, “how do I know this to be true?” So now, you are looking for evidence and behaviors that prove or align with the traits you have defined about yourself. Let’s look at some of the examples previously provided. Trait: I am a mom à evidence: I have a child that I care for. Trait: I am dependable à evidence: when commit to something or someone, I show up and follow through. Trait: I am impatient à evidence: I become frustrated when I have to wait a long period for something. This phase of the process takes some time to develop as you have to truly think about what supports your idea of self. Some find that when they search for evidence or behaviors that there are none. I then challenge them with to think about is this who they are or who the desire to be. A seed can define itself as an apple but the true evidence of that is the fruit it produces. I also challenge clients to think about where a specific idea of self-came from. Someone once told me they were clumsy and when we looked for the evidence or behavior, we found that it was something she was always told as a child but no longer had behavior that supported it. This was an idea of self she held on to that no longer defined who she was.
The last phase of self-inventory is to look at who you desire to be. Now that your self-awareness has increase, you have analyzed your behavior, and discovered where some of your ideas of self originated, you now have the power, control, and ability to redefine who you want to be. Create a list of all the things you want to be and explore what behaviors or changes need to happen in your life for those things to be true. Remember, the fruit or evidence of somethings proves it is that. An example is, “I am healthy.” Moving forward I can make a plan to change my diet, exercise more, and visit my doctor regularly. All of these behaviors will lead to me being healthy.
Some might even take this process a step further and evaluate who we are in comparison to who God calls us to be. Galatian 5:22-24 tells us the fruit of the Spirit that we should exhibit if we belong to Christ Jesus. We can use this fruit as a list of things we desire to be and begin producing the behavior/evidence of there characteristic sin our lives.
So again, I ask, who are you? Let this be a question that we ask ourselves often. Evaluating how our actions and behaviors align with how we think of ourselves will build self-awareness, feel empowered and grow confident in who we are. Because, in this world, self is truly the one thing we can control and change.